Welcome back to my eventful childhood. I was introspecting the other day, and I discovered a disturbing fact about myself.
KLEPTOMANIA.
I shuddered to think that li'l old me could possibly be a compulsive thief. Ugh. I hate that word.
In the summer of 2000, I could oft be found in the sun, whiling away my time like a dog panting in the sweltering shade. Yes, you read that right- shade. <Samajhne wale samjh gaye...it's a METAPHORICAL SIMILE, you useless dunderhead>. This would be at school, at home, pretty much anywhere. In fact, it's still true...<pant pant>
Anyway, you all remember how when we were little kids, around 9 years of age, we all used to crave for the Uncle Chips, Lays', etc, etc...not to mention Fun Flips (my tongue just had an orgasm thinking about it), and all the free tazos and what-nots that came free with them? Now there was this new kind of toffee called Coffitos or something. With it came some kind of a "Love Indicator card' . I know. Dumb. Dumber than even me. So there was this gorgeous girl in my class, and a gorgeous boy for whom she (and I) fell. Sigh. Anyway, that guy pulled a sly trick getting her to hold the card with him. The indicator turned Red(for love). As red as my face, a moment later.Without steam, though...
So that day, I decided, for the life of me I dunno why, to get myself one of those cards. There was a slight problem. Mom wouldn't let me buy a full pack of 10 toffees, but just a single one.The card came with the pack. Naturally, I couldn't tell her why I wanted the pack.So,
<drumroll>
I stole Rs. 10 from her purse.
OMG I'm a thief.
I promptly bought the pack and excitedly pocketed the card.And, as I reached home, I encountered an unforeseen problem.I couldn't take the pack home, or awkward questions would be asked, leading to even more awkward answers.I decided to hide it in the mailbox.
Obviously, that 'ingenious plan' didn't work out.Why? Mom checked the mailbox. Duh...
Luckily, she didn't notice Rs.10 missing from her purse.So it didn't occur to her that I had bought it and hid it there.
So, what did she say, then?Someone put this in our box!<gleefully>Whoever it is, thanks...
:| You're welcome, mom....
Incident #2:
This was in the summer of 2002.
Short, simple and hilarious.
I jostled about in the crowded counter of the school cafeteria.Finally reaching the front, I ordered a veg. patty.To my left, a guy was arguing furiously," But I already gave you 10 bucks!!#@^$%"
I took my patty, poured ketchup on it and broke away from the crowd. My mouth half full of patty, I realised- I hadn't paid the 10 bucks. The coincidence made me chuckle. I turned back.
The crowd was frighteningly enourmous.
The counter guy hadn't noticed his folly and was still arguing with the same guy.
I chuckled, shrugged and walked away.
Incident #3:
Shorter, simpler and even more hilarious.
"Bhaiya, ek patty dena..."
Taking the patty...
"Thank you"
<walking off without paying>
Hey, I did say thanks...
I'd better see a criminal psychologist.
KLEPTOMANIA.
I shuddered to think that li'l old me could possibly be a compulsive thief. Ugh. I hate that word.
In the summer of 2000, I could oft be found in the sun, whiling away my time like a dog panting in the sweltering shade. Yes, you read that right- shade. <Samajhne wale samjh gaye...it's a METAPHORICAL SIMILE, you useless dunderhead>. This would be at school, at home, pretty much anywhere. In fact, it's still true...<pant pant>
Anyway, you all remember how when we were little kids, around 9 years of age, we all used to crave for the Uncle Chips, Lays', etc, etc...not to mention Fun Flips (my tongue just had an orgasm thinking about it), and all the free tazos and what-nots that came free with them? Now there was this new kind of toffee called Coffitos or something. With it came some kind of a "Love Indicator card' . I know. Dumb. Dumber than even me. So there was this gorgeous girl in my class, and a gorgeous boy for whom she (and I) fell. Sigh. Anyway, that guy pulled a sly trick getting her to hold the card with him. The indicator turned Red(for love). As red as my face, a moment later.Without steam, though...
So that day, I decided, for the life of me I dunno why, to get myself one of those cards. There was a slight problem. Mom wouldn't let me buy a full pack of 10 toffees, but just a single one.The card came with the pack. Naturally, I couldn't tell her why I wanted the pack.So,
<drumroll>
I stole Rs. 10 from her purse.
OMG I'm a thief.
I promptly bought the pack and excitedly pocketed the card.And, as I reached home, I encountered an unforeseen problem.I couldn't take the pack home, or awkward questions would be asked, leading to even more awkward answers.I decided to hide it in the mailbox.
Obviously, that 'ingenious plan' didn't work out.Why? Mom checked the mailbox. Duh...
Luckily, she didn't notice Rs.10 missing from her purse.So it didn't occur to her that I had bought it and hid it there.
So, what did she say, then?Someone put this in our box!<gleefully>Whoever it is, thanks...
:| You're welcome, mom....
Incident #2:
This was in the summer of 2002.
Short, simple and hilarious.
I jostled about in the crowded counter of the school cafeteria.Finally reaching the front, I ordered a veg. patty.To my left, a guy was arguing furiously," But I already gave you 10 bucks!!#@^$%"
I took my patty, poured ketchup on it and broke away from the crowd. My mouth half full of patty, I realised- I hadn't paid the 10 bucks. The coincidence made me chuckle. I turned back.
The crowd was frighteningly enourmous.
The counter guy hadn't noticed his folly and was still arguing with the same guy.
I chuckled, shrugged and walked away.
Incident #3:
Shorter, simpler and even more hilarious.
"Bhaiya, ek patty dena..."
Taking the patty...
"Thank you"
<walking off without paying>
Hey, I did say thanks...
I'd better see a criminal psychologist.
dude, ur fun!! Sach mein...
ReplyDeleteIncident 1: Good you put it in the mailbox... Ive known people who have hidden stuff in some unimaginable places... (yuck)
Incident 2: you have a intelligibly cruel mind!!
Bravo!!
Incident 3: (laughing my guts out...)
@ 'unimaginable places'...ugh!I'd never eat those toffees after that..
ReplyDelete@incident 2: precisely..heh heh
@incident 3: copy that.Everytime i think about it, I struggle to breathe for laughing :D
Hey toddler, an apt name for someone of your talent. I have had countless experiences where I showed better skill - I remember having ice-creams for free for whole 3 weeks without paying, Once I even took a friend along who had challenged me I wouldn't be able to pull it off. I have rarely been grateful to bus-conductors and canteen-valas. I used to lift chips packets(that too the 20rs ones) daily for one whole week a year back.
ReplyDeleteIt's me who needs to see a psychologist.
i feel so inexperienced after knowing what you guys have done!!
ReplyDelete@ spectator...
ReplyDeleteYou despicable Bandicoot! That ain't nothing to boast about. Willful lifting and non-payment is shameful and vile and....did you say for a whole week???
You gotta teach me.
How's the change of blog title by the way?
ReplyDelete