The Theosophical Society

Bonjour..

You may have been wondering why I've been going on and on about the Theosophical Society...

It is the most gigantic natural landscape I have ever seen with human habitation, in such unexplicable harmony.


This place is recognized as a hotspot for a lot of endangered species and, it's just a breathtaking spectacle.


As is widely said...A picture is worth a thousand words...
                            Several pictures are worth a lot more!

Feast your eyes....

The Bhojanshala

some kinda double ended insect

some wild parrots...can u spot them all?

sunrise on the private beach

I tried my hand at sand art..heh heh

ahem...my pet tarantula...Crawley

Crawley's shy friend Crabby

some more giant crabs

2012 - And So Begins The End

Greetings, fellow earthlings.


I come in peace. Most people start their years with a bunch of redundant, useless plans called New Year Resolutions. I......... am not most people.
The only resolution I make every year is to have more fun. Though I couldn't do that in the last year, I will try my utmost to live up to that promise now. So far, all seems steadily on the right track. The residence problem has been solved, now that I have moved into my mom's quarters in the Theosophical Society. No place more awesome to live in, in my opinion. Maybe not even my own home in Delhi. Tough choice, that...

Anyway, now that I'm finally HOME, that raises a new dilemma of commuting. I have to cross almost 90 km everyday to 'college' and back. Combinations of buses and trains and on the ol' foot...saps the fucking life out of me.....but y'know what? It's all worth it....since I can come back HOME...every evening. And, now that an internet connection has finally been setup here, I can blog regularly!

I have changed over the course of the previous year...but simultaneously, I haven't changed much. People like me never do. Its been a bad year, overall, what with my mental stagnation. I have lived a tough life in the 2.5 I have lived here so far. Without the things I had earlier taken for granted...good food, TV, guitar, friends, PC, internet, and most of all, personal freedom. 
My creativity has been vapourized from my brain, my literary activities have come to a standstill,haven't learned anything new, I haven't played football for a long time, and the worst part perhaps, I haven't played a guitar for more than a year and a half...I miss my favourite G-string......


But all that is about to change. The Alcoholic Toddler people knew is about to undergo a paradigm shift. Brace yourselves for Alcoholic Toddler...version 2. I'm gonna start afresh, sans regrets, sans hesitation.

New fang, new fang......ain't gonna wait no more...

Fuck the past....make love to the present. Don't use a condom, else there won't be a future...heh heh.

This is Alcoholic Toddler signing off.

Last Post for 2011

Heeeeeeeeey welcome back!!

I'm your drunken host saying a very merry christmas and a crappy new year! It's officially almost a year since I started blogging. As usual, my college has started barely 15 days after the endsems..during the holidays I was lazing around my forest home in the Theosophical Society. Will upload a couple of photos when I find my USB cable.There's really no point talking about my short stay in a remote town of Karnataka without the photos.

So...............back to my school life.

Grade 8:
It was a good year, I made a couple of new friends... I started singing about this time, when one fateful day someone heard my voice and said it wasn't bad at all...I would sing gay Westlife duets with my new friend and we would be laughed at for attempting a linkin park combo. And in one case, 'We will Rock You'. Still, it was fun and there were so many times we were thrown out of class for 'rofl'ing.,
Once the teacher came in the class early and I was standing at the front of the class, blissfully staring out of the window. When she tapped my shoulder, I promptly replied that I had a fundamental right to stand there. As it turns out, I was wrong.

There were many great scenes on the football field, what with fistfights being common, and many guys wandering off to the canteen or the basketball court (depending on whether they wanted to eat or letch at girls...or in rare cases even to play basketball), and all the sliding tackles. I once scored spectacularly from a great range, when my team was losing 5-1...Poor humpty dumpty would be dodged like traffic on a highway, and if he was lucky he might even scrape the ball with his foot. Apparently the only time he ran 'fast' was to reach The Crapper.Three cheers for 'moti'vation...

There was football coaching in the summer holidays, where we had a weird coach and many fun loving seniors who would engage in disgustingly hilarious repartee. The sports in-charges were even more hilarious- one looked like a dog-cloning gone haywire and the other seemed like he'd been overdosed with helium in early childhood...I had a knack for imitating his voice (and many others') , at which the whole class would be in splits. The dogman tirelessly sniffed around with his over-inflated nostrils and he was the one who screamed in the assembly, with an exagerrated flourish: Stand-a-ease.....A-tten-SHUN!!!

The good old days...sigh

And then there were the Monday Tests...in which I would always perform terribly and write on the table,sulking :I'm a fucking piece of shit.

Well, this fucking piece of shit has to take off now...
Until we meet again...

This is Alcoholic Toddler signing off.

Guess Who's Back, back again?

Strange things are a-happening these days. 81 year old men are fathering twins with women half their age. Just a week back I witnessed a shocking sight. 3 cows having an orgy in the middle of a busy intersection. Though not that shocking in itself, if you're an Indian, the shocking part is that all cows were females.

You read that right - Lesbian cows!!! The next breakthrough in biology! This is BIG. Maybe even more than the creation of life in a lab! A big boost for pro- homosexuality people. As a friend of mine said once about lesbianism: it's fun! Even for them!

Anyway, now that my exams are finally over, i get to write another post. Back to 2004.

There was a great teacher...come to think of it, there were several. Let's go through them one by one.

Math bitch:
Description: Looks like a lioness,great big moustache, not much knowledge in the subject she teaches.

Notable Quotes:

• Sometimes Sujoy can do wonders..
• Sometimes even the teacher can be right
• donkiz and toffiz (donkeys and toffees)

Geography Queen Bitch:
Description: Looks like the daughter of Ronaldinho and the transvestite he was caught fucking.(No offence to said transvestite)
Chest hair very unabashedly displayed.

Notable Quotes:

• Shut up!!(pronounced shudaaaap, with a fake accent)
• Juuuuuuuuuuust SHUT UP!!
• Why are talking?(said very fast)
• Juuuuuuuuust SHUT UP!!!!

Chemistry Bitch:
Description: The Exorcist would definitely recruit her.
                     A true bitch.
Notable Quotes:

• bark bark bark
• woof woof

(everything she said sounds like a bark; a deep, reverberating bark)

English Bitch:

Description:

• squint eyed
• stupid
• squint eyed(from the point of view of the other eye)
• flirts with students...or maybe just me

Notable Incidents:

• The time when she scolded a student and told him to stand up...two different guys stood up(neither was sure who exactly she was looking at)
• all round the year, me and my friends constantly made fun of her...in her face

Computer Bitch:

Description: Undertaker's twin
Notable Quotes:
Butt obvious.

Physics Teacher:

She was cute. I think I had a crush on her. Note the absence of 'bitch' from the title.

description: Cute.
                  Nice butt. It's a shame she got married...

notable Incidents:

• A student, about not doing his holiday homework project: "Ma'am, samajh to aa gaya, par ....samajh nahi  aa raha.."( I understood, but....I don't understand"
• In her class once she was demonstrating how a fire extinguisher works...everybody had gathered round her table, and I couldn't see properly. So I tried to climb a nearby table but I fell, face to face, on top of a girl. Pity she wasn't hot.

Okay, that's about it with the teachers...

I first started singing at around this time. I was awful, but the class seemed to disagree. Also, this was when  I became famous for football and my dance skills. I remember a kid I'd never seen coming up to me and asking, "You are Alcoholic Toddler, right? The football guy?"

It felt weird to be popular...It had its positives...Once a girl was crossing me and I felt her hand nudge my crotch by 'accident'...heh heh...yea right...

Alrighty then...
this is Alcoholic Toddler signing off.

Same Old, same old

Hey, people, welcome back, into my open arms! Mind the smelly armpits!

So, 10 months after my blog started, the pageviews have finally touched 1000. Hurrah!

Anyway, sorry for the long delay in posting. Same old, same old story: assignments, exams, practical files, ridiculous deadlines, blah blah blah, and some more blah.
Oh, and some more blah.
Blah.

<loud clearing of the throat>

blah.
Sorry....I seem to have that word stuck in my throat.

Another advanced apology for yet another delay in the next post: Endsems till Nov 29.

Back to the school life, then.

So, I had given a very mild account of the Shit Happens story. Well, it was for your own benefit. Believe you me, you did not want me to accurately describe the magnitude of that stench, that is unless you wanted to have a puking spree on your keyboard.

If i'm not wrong, I believe that Shit happened once more. But that was a close one, and I believed he managed to rush to the Shit Cleaning Room(namely, the toilet) just in time.

In other news, One Stupid guy was running around the classroom, fighting with the Akshay Kumar lookalike. As it happens, he slipped and fell, with his feet knocking mine down from behind.

What followed was a furious unleashing of the beast within me.

I KICKED THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF THAT ASSHOLE.


It was so loud that the whole class went silent for a couple of seconds. When they saw he was still in one piece, they sighed with relief.

Needless to say, his balls fell off and he never came within 5 feet of me ever again.

This is Alcoholic toddler signing off.
Sayonara.

Life at schools- Part (Whatever)

Aloha.

8th grade. One of the best goddamn phases of my life.

It started pretty awkwardly, what with my bicycle being stolen from the school compound.
Three weeks Ago....

Well, here we go. One fine day, I was just minding my own business, doing what every normal kid does in a classroom. Farting sonic bombs.
The day was kind of ordinary, except when I got to the bicycle stand. I couldn't find my keys. They must have fallen off my pocket when I was playing football earlier. And scoring a hat-trick....but that thought didn't do much to lift my spirits at that time..I had to get the lock sheared apart by a strong blade, asking the school gardener to do it for me.
As you can imagine, I was terrified, wondering what I would tell mom and Dad when I got home.

So..I took the sheared lock home, and claimed that someone else had broken it.My mom, dad and bro did not like the sound of that.
So, the following monday, my dad wrote a letter to the Principal, criticising the security and so on...
And I was, obviously, called upon, when the Principal investigated this serious matter. The guards recognized me at once, even though I put on a chinki face and rumpled up my hair in what I thought would be a hopefully unrecognizable fashion. It's my bad luck that I have hair like Harry Potter...no matter what I do, they always slip back to the same tousled configuration after half an hour.
And, I don't know whether it was because of the extreme heat or the fear I had of the Principal and my Dad, I had a blackout experience for a couple of seconds in the Principal's office, right about the time when she was twisting my ears for lying and accusing the school security, which made her even more furious.
I somehow staggered out of her Office, still alive....
The following day, my Dad was called to the principal's office, and he was filled in about my dishonesty and my "wonderful acting skills" , as the princi called it.
That was the last time I remember weeping in fear, ever. I have never cried since.

Well, three weeks later, when I forgot to take the keys with me, my cycle predictably disappeared. You know how the story goes- never trust the boy who lies. So, long story short, I never found out what happened to it.

That incident apart, life was pretty awesome.
There were inter-house football selections going on, and I impressed the hell out of both my team selectors...flinging the ball into the net with a flourish, following which they gave me a rolling ball from quite a distance, which I whacked the hell out of....it hit the crossbar, almost going in, but it made the impression I was hoping for. There was one loser-ish dude who switched lines and ran up behind me, and said in a sycophantic gushing of words,"Alcoholic Toddler is here, so I came here!"
Then they tried to test my eternal weakness in football skills- dribbling. I had to take on five defenders, which I couldn't quite pull off. But at the end of the day, they were pretty impressed, and next week followed one of the most memorable matches in my football 'career'. All for the wrong reasons.

It started out like an epic battle. Both teams were arguably on an equal footing. Except our opponent were the favourites, because they always won. Our team, on the other hand, had an impressive line-up after many years, so many hopes rested on our shoulders. Our opponents were actually at a slight advantage, as we did not have any competent keeper. But we held the slightly stronger team off, attacking them as well, keeping the game as interesting as an El-Classico fixture. Even my dribbling had created a couple of fluttering moments, but both teams defended fiercely. Then, we had a major breakthrough through my skilful run through the opponent defence. I was through, I was in the box, but I was surrounded. Somehow I flicked the ball onto the hand of one defender, which awarded us a penalty. But, our chance was cheaply lost by the same loser I mentioned earlier, who was made the captain because the teacher didn't know me well. Then five minutes later, in the last stages of the game, another idiot in our team violated a basic backpass rule, which resulted in an indirect free-kick being awarded to our opponent, which they somehow( not with much style) pushed into the back of our net. The whistle blew. We were devastated. My brother was teasing me, I remember...he was the coach of the opponents.

Shit happens. Sigh. Which reminds me...

Remember the Humpty Dumpty I mentioned earlier? Well, it seems he finally ate more than he could handle. There was a highly unpleasant smell wafting around in the classroom. All heads turned here and there, trying to identify the source.
Then one nasal, heavily drawling voice gave us the info we wanted.
"Mam, mere ko pata hai badbu kahan se aa rahi hai..."
One Stupid Guy had fashioned himself a gas mask out of paper and was proudly sporting it. The whole class was abuzz with commentary about how Humpty Dumpty had a huge discharge of faecal matter seeping through his underwear. How unfotunate for him, that our uniform's blinding white.
Eventually, he began to cry, and a good friend of mine went over to him and tried to comfort him. I would have done the same, but i have a very low threshold for withstanding shitty odours. I can't imagine how he walked back to the bus.....

Shit happens...quite literally sometimes....

A Lovely Day in The Park.

Hey there...

I have exams ongoing, after which I get half-day to study for the next exam.The thing is, I don't tell this at 'home'. I roam around, enjoying the only freedom I'll be getting in this wretched place.
I went to the beach on Tuesday, about which you can read here : http://intotheethereal.blogspot.com/
Be warned, it's the Other Alcoholic Toddler who wrote that post , I.e.  my serious twin...
Now, I chose to go to a cyber cafe for a while, then I got bored of that and I went to a small bakery to quench my thirst. After that I decided to go to The Park.

I reached there around 4. I sat on an empty bench and just idled away. After a while, a couple of guys came and sat nearby, commenting on the girls around and disturbing my peace. I got up and chose a secluded part of the park.

This part of my life is called: Getting Mugged.

So there I was, enjoying my chips in solitude, when suddenly 20 young men and boys came and surrounded me. The gang leader sat down beside me and asked me which college I was from. I told him. All this while another guy snatched my bag and started perusing it to forage for any valuable items.Thank god I didn't bring my phone or Cowon s9 that day. Another guy reached into my front pocket and snatched my ID card, confirming to the gang leader that I was telling the truth.
They began asking me various things in Tamil, almost none of which I understood. Meanwhile the gang leader, the only bulky guy of the lot, tried to sneak his hand into my backpocket where I had kept my wallet. Well, I didn't let him. He punched me in the face. I gave no reaction whatsoever.

One of the guys said (what roughly translates in hindi as- ) "Mat maar yaar, bechara hai "(Don't hit him, he's a poor little innocent)

The gan(d)g leader replied that I wasn't giving him my wallet.
" Kapde wapde utardenge..."(We'll make him strip)

This went on for a while....the guy made repeated attempts to snatch my wallet, and I didn't lett him succeed. He punched me again, and again the cycle went on. Finally, when the other men brandished their canes, I decided not to fight back. After all, I was outnumbered 20 to 1. And anyway, I decided it was better to give up a 100 bucks than have your bones broken. Or maybe worse....

So I gave him the money myself, showing him that that was all my wallet contained. He set my hair back like a loving uncle to humiliate me further  and said, "You're looking cute, man." (Gee, thanks, that's what your mom said last night)

Then they all walked away. I remained sitting there, not a hint of fear in my heart throughout the incident but just feeling irritated. There were three other people there, just watching....doing nothing.

Then the gang leader came back.
"Hey, do you have money for the bus?"
I shook my head. How much , he asked?
I held up my hand. He misread the message(Talk to the hand) and gave me first five, then a whole twenty bucks. How kind of him.

Then he disappeared again.

At the end of it all, I can honestly tell you:









That was fun, can we do it again? :D



So that's one more thing to cross off my list of things to try before I die:

1. Pissing on LOC.
2. Threesome with Gorilla and Crocodile
3. Getting mugged
4. Studying
5. Suicide Suicide(didn't work the first time)
6. Sex change ( I hope it's reversible)

This is Alcoholic Toddler signing off.

PS: I have informed my friend who has formidable thug connections to help me go about my mericless vendetta.

A slip of the tongue, a slit of the throat.
Dead men tell no tales.
Your laughing finger....will never point again!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Omerta- Lamb Of God)

And finally: (S)laughter is the best medicine ( The Joker, Batman: The Dark Knight)

Amen.