The following event is straight out of an idiot's diary- namely, me. I had a great time commuting to Mysore from an undisclosed location and back, I kid you not.
Having made no previous plans, I decided on Thursday night to book a bus for the following morning. I had not known there would be 4 holidays. Anyway, I packed up my stuff in a backpack and a suitcase at night itself and thought, well, it's all set, nothing can go wrong now.Ha,ha.
Next morning,
6:50 am
I wake up, grab a brush and put a little make up(yes, I'm a sissy who likes to wear skirts and be feminine, in a totally non-gay way-I'm Scottish). I take bath, whip up some oats and gulp it down.
7:55
At the bus stop.
Damn.No bus.
Take a share-cab, reach the inter-city bus depot after a huge traffic jam.
8:40
Damn.
Wrong place.
It's a private bus, which is on the other side of the depot, which I conveniently forgot.
By the way, the bus was scheduled to leave at 8:30.
Wheee.
8:50
I reach the private bus depot. I see a girl, asking for the same travel agent. I ask her, "hey what time does your bus leave? I missed my 8:30 bus"
"I had come for the 9:30 bus, but they gave me a boarding pass for the 8:30 bus. You're one lucky bastard, aren't you?"
ohkay, she didn't really say that.....not the last part anyway.
Neither did she ask me to give her a smoochie woochie.
I guess I'm not much of a lucky bastard after all. Still, I got the 8:30 bus.
Woohoo!
9:00
The bus started.The sunlight streamed solely onto my head from the opening above(covered with glass) and made me feel like I was in a spotlight. I took out my book and began to read, getting really engrossed in it. I was quite enjoying myself, until an ear-splitting noise brought me back to the earth.The sound of a speaker.
I looked at the TV screen. They were airing a movie. A Tamil movie.
:|
To ignore it, I fished out my mp3 player from my pocket and drowned out the terrible cacophony.
2:00
The bus stopped for lunch. The conductor said, "15 min का time है, जल्दी खाके आ जाओ."
What the fuck??
They've got to be kidding.
They weren't. Well, not entirely. I quickly had some fried rice, and the bus left after 20 minutes.
I went back to the bus and slept.
4:20
The bus reached Majestic Bus Terminus in Bangalore, and I got down. I asked the conductor where I'd get a bus for Mysore. He uttered something incomprehensible and pointed vaguely in a direction. I turned and tried to see what he was pointing at but did not understand. So I turned back to ask him again. Only he wasn't there. Nor was the bus. It had left. With my luggage in it.
Wheeeeee!
I took out my boarding pass and dialled the agent's no. He didn't speak english.
I dialled again for the Bangalore branch.No reply. I found out somehow where the office was and headed straight for it. Meanwhile my phone's battery was low and I just had Rs. 3 balance . When I reached the office, I launched into a tirade against the lousy service and great inconvenience caused to me. Then I asked them where I could find the bus. I didn't like the answer. 20 mins later, after reaching the garage on foot, I finally found the bus and got back my bag. Since no autos are allowed in the garage, I had to go back on foot.
Hardly 2 minutes had elapsed, and the handle of the bag, which directed the rollers, broke. I was forced to carry the damn thing for 2 kms to the bus stand. I finally got into a bus headed for Mysore.
My bad luck was far from over. When I reached into my backpocket for the money to buy a ticket, yeah, you guessed it, it was not there. 300 bucks. Whoopsie.
No, my wallet, mp3 player and phone were all safe in the front pockets. I lost 300 bucks, god-DAMN-it!!
The rest of the journey was uneventful.Hehehe. Of course not.
20 minues into the 2nd bus ride, I had an inexplicably full bladder.
Bad news: No bus stops probably for 2 ½ hours.
Good news: That there is no other bad news.
I tried desperately to control the law of nature.I guess you'd like to hear about how I wet my pants at the age of 19. I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to disappoint you. I managed to make myself not pee for 1 ½ hours.I shifted my weight, took deep breaths,suddenly stood up, suddenly sat down and finally slept forcefully. Then came a stop.
RELIEF.
I paid the bathroom attendant 10 bucks extra for my appreciation.
9:30
I reached Mysore.
10:00
I reached home.
The End
